After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
