It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
