If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
