Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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