Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
