He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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