He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
