I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
