So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
