Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
