We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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