I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
