How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
