tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
