I just threw up on my dentist
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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