My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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