I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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