I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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