Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
