I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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