Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
