70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im holly from the hills drunk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know her cup size but not her name....
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