I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
