so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
