great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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