he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you had me at cake vodka
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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