Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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