If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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