Tell her she can't have a vagina
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
