I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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