A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
