You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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