I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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