Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
this is an emotional support booty call
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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