i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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