my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
