Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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