Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize