bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
