no, he came in my armpit
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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