I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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