she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
