Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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