So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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