in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
