i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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