Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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