I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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