I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
