i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize