my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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