I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
