i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
