taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
