I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
