Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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