You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
