I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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