Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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