We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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