Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
