I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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