you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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