She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
