i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
