I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize