a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
