Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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