is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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