2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
