she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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