my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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