just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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