I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
