im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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